If you have a tendency to avoid responsibility, it may inevitably prevent you from doing the things you love. It's strange, but that's how it is. Why would anyone try to find an excuse not to do things they enjoy?
I haven't felt energetic for a while now, and a sense of inactivity surrounds me. These periods are very annoying. You don't know how long it will last and you don't know how to get out of it.
Recently I wanted to do something that I had been avoiding and putting off for a while. I wanted to watch a favourite TV series again (this would be the 4th time), but I always found an excuse. For example, if I watched it, I might interrupt my writing process. I might not have time to do other things. Just a few more excuses that were in my head but unspoken.
The strange thing was that even if I did watch the show, it wouldn't make any difference. Because if I didn't watch it, I'd be watching other things or making time for other things, which is what I do. Or, as I thought, there are lots of other reasons that can affect my writing process anyway.
I have this kind of stupid-sounding procrastination habit, which I hate, that makes me jump into life late, miss it and then have some regrets afterwards. If they ask me tomorrow what my regret is, that will definitely be my answer. There is no doubt that it will be at least one of my answers, unfortunately. Procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate.
On the other hand, I thought this series was like a happiness capsule or medicine for bad days, and I acted like I wanted to protect it. I guess it's like not knowing exactly when you're going to spend the money you've saved.
These days, when I finally started the series and watched it as I thought I would, I felt more carefree than ever. Of course, to a certain extent this is normal, nothing less could be expected. After all, it was a show I had seen before (the feeling of holding on to what I knew), that had made me happy before (the feeling of assuming it would make me happy again), and that would help me put off my other responsibilities (the feeling of avoiding others). I can't watch it for the fourth time for nothing, can I?
Yes, the show is great. I think it's the best sci-fi show in the world. But I've forgotten something. I was very inspired while watching the show. I would stop it from time to time and think about it. I put myself in the shoes of the characters, I imagined how they would behave, what they would say. I was no longer just watching the show, as I had done before, but I was also studying it. I wanted to add something to the events described, and I enjoyed doing that.
In fact, it prevented the malaise that had overtaken me, the loss of excitement and the dull days. I didn't know it would have that effect, but it did.
Inspiration comes in two ways: either through a thought that comes suddenly, as it does to everyone, at an irrelevant time and place, or through something that helps to trigger us in some way. This is why it is important to watch series, read books or, more generally, to study works of art of any kind. It is necessary to ask what others have done, why they have done it, how they have done it, and to do it with pleasure. It is essential to mix it in a way that suits our own system of thinking, our ongoing work or our new purposes.
The series is called Fringe. For me it served as a glass to break in an emergency. It gave me the same feeling that Isaac Asimov once gave me immediately after reading all the books in the Foundation series.
"I've got to write a book".
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