I spent all day yesterday researching for a side project I’ve been wanting to work on for a long time. I needed to look at images and get ideas and it seems I lost track of time.
As far as I can remember, the last time I had so many tabs open was when I was doing intensive research for an article or my dissertation. The intensity of so many tabs, one after another, adding more than I could close, was overwhelming. But instead of worrying about it, I was excited because I enjoy analysing the work of other artists.
You know the application called Pinterest, it is a huge medium where you can find tons of images. Whatever you want to research visually, you can probably find it there. Of course, knowing that, I preferred to stay away from that application. It’s like a void you can’t get out of once you enter it. Instead, I turned to other sites designed for illustrators, where they are known to upload their work.
Since I hadn’t done this kind of research for a while, I found a similar situation on these sites. But here, unlike all those piles of images on Pinterest, it was much more enjoyable to examine the works created by the artists’ unique style and interest in their favourite subjects. In my opinion, this is the same as visiting a museum digitally. At least when I look at works of common interest, I am more likely to find points where I can relate to the artist.
Towards the end of the day, as I was trying to work out how many pictures I had looked at, I suddenly felt a sense of peace. It was surprising. Unfortunately, I have a character that usually forces me to create something during the day, otherwise I tend to feel a little regretful. But this is the surprising point I am talking about; there was no feeling of regret.
I spent almost the whole day, one by one, looking at all these works of art and, if necessary, understanding the narratives of the story in which this work was produced. Yes, I did all this analysis in the name of the project I wanted to work on, but when I was honest with myself, I felt as if I had produced nothing. Because my problem is this: when I am in a process where I cannot convince myself and I think that I cannot make significant progress, for me that is a sign of failure. I think this is an unhealthy misconception that I probably instilled in myself when I was young (or maybe it was instilled in me).
As I said, I would normally expect to feel this way, but it was not the case. On the contrary, analysing the artworks of artists at all levels was both a break for my soul and mind and a kind of work I had not done for a long time. I think it helped me to avoid the unhealthy thoughts I had dictated to myself. On the other hand, I am sure that if I keep doing this, I will not be able to achieve the same effect all the time.
Then I thought of something else. Another important point that brought relief was definitely the artworks themselves. Because there was an effort involved, and I think I understand more and more how important that is as the days go by. Even if our efforts are not in the same direction, appreciating and respecting them must have allowed me to hold up a mirror to myself. Because I have a critical nature towards myself and I have the habit of not being able to immediately appreciate the progress (regardless of its importance). I hope I won’t be a grumpy person in my old age.
That is to say, it is of great importance that we break this periodic cycle that we think we have to follow constantly and rest our souls in between. Listening a little more carefully to the music and songs we listen to every day and paying attention to their intonation can give them more value and appreciation than ever before. Reading about an author’s life and feeling what they went through can increase our understanding and enjoyment of a book. Noticing the effect of that little curve the painter puts in the corner of a picture can create a tiny pleasure. Seeing the effort that goes into every work of art we look at and sharing it with our friends and approaching it with a common understanding can increase our awareness.
We live in a time that is becoming more and more automated every day, forcing us to live fast and adapt to events, preventing us from enjoying what we are experiencing, and gradually making the taste of the good expectations we have formed less and less palatable. I am not sure if this has always been the case or if we are moving towards it. But looking back, I think we have developed the habit of saying “it used to be better”, whatever the period.
So it is necessary to stop for a while, calm down and experience life in all its seriousness and excitement. Although it feels comfortable to live casually, trying to understand what both ourselves and others have put forward, and being caught up in their excitement and passion, makes us feel human again.
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